Now imagine for a second that Jesus existed today.

muffin-man:

For real, I’m not joking. Just sit and imagine the quality of wisdom that Jesus would dispense which could be of great use to our misaligned modern society. He’d say

“Hey you, don’t lie on your taxes. That takes a little bit of money out of all of our pockets, and that really isn’t cool.”

And you’d think to yourself “Hey, this Jesus fella is right on point. I’m gonna stop cheating on my taxes.”

Then Jesus would say “Hey guy, I see you eyeing that lady over there. I mean c’mon, you’re a married man! Have some respect for your wife, she’s still attractive.”

Then you’d reply “Jesus, I’m allowed to window shop so long as I don’t touch! Mind your own business, okay? What do you know about women anyway? I don’t remember reading anything about  you even so much as holding a girl’s hand, you stupid virgin.”

Feeling humiliated, Jesus slaps you in the face, and it becomes obvious to you that Jesus can’t fight. Knowing this, you punch Jesus in the stomach and follow through with another punch to his jaw. Jesus let’s out a whimper and collapses to the ground in tears spitting up blood.

“YOU SEE JESUS?!? YOU SEE WHAT THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY HAS FOR YOU!!!”

You scream at the top of your lungs. You’re amazed at how easy it was for a mortal such as yourself to overtake someone of a supernatural pedigree.

“I can’t believe I just beat up Jesus! I can’t wait to tell my friends…”

But while standing triumphantly over this bleeding pile of parables you begin to feel shitty about this whole situation…

“Uh… Jesus… you okay, man? I…I… I’m really sorry dude… I should’nt have hit you so hard… my bad…”
You apologetically offer Jesus your hand to help him up off the ground. Smiling, Jesus looks up and stares deeply into your eyes while extending his hand toward yours.
Gazing into the eyes of Christ feels as if you are peering into eternity itself and at once you are at peace with the entirety of the universe. You begin to lose any semblance of individual consciousness as the great dualisms of Mind and Body, Matter and Spirit, and of Good and Evil melt away into a unity so complete, yet so fragile, profound level of spiritual awareness.
You’ve read about this awareness in your books of Buddhism and in The Celestine Prophecy, but you never thought yourself capable of achieving it.

It is while you’re in this cosmic state of awareness that Jesus secretly collects dirt in his other hand and throws it into your eyes then punches you in the face. Jesus then transforms into a pigeon and flies away laughing, actually, he flies away cooing loudly, but you know the loud cooing is really laughing, because you fell for the old Jesus can’t fight trick.

— Jayson Musson, “Modern Christ” (2002)

This was in 2002. I suppose the 2009 Jesus would just like to ‘friend’ you on Facebook, and then maybe throw some digital holy water on you. Jesus would also kick Ashton Kutcher’s ass in follower count on twitter.

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Everything is perfectly imperfect.

Everything is perfectly imperfect.

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Let’s get this straight right away: Apple Computer did the wrong thing. On December 20, Apple announced that it would spend $400 million to purchase Steve Jobs’s company, Next Software. The company said it would adopt Next’s NextStep operating system for future versions of the Macintosh computer. Most of the commentary I’ve seen about this decision is off the mark, especially the talk about Jobs coming back to save Apple. That is sheer nonsense. He won’t be anywhere near the company.
Stewart Alsop in February 1997 [via DF]

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Michael Arrington gets into massive dickwaving contest with the people doing the actual work on his own overhyped vaporware!

Marco Arment

…and suddenly, my apprehensions about Arrington are back! And that’s always a good thing.

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Dear President Obama,

Do you really want to be the new “war president”? If you go to West Point tomorrow night and announce that you are increasing, rather than withdrawing, the troops in Afghanistan, you are the new war president. Pure and simple. And with that you will do the worst possible thing you could do — destroy the hopes and dreams so many millions have placed in you. With just one speech tomorrow night you will turn a multitude of young people who were the backbone of your campaign into disillusioned cynics. You will teach them what they’ve always heard is true — that all politicians are alike. I simply can’t believe you’re about to do what they say you are going to do. Please say it isn’t so.

An Open Letter to President Obama from Michael Moore

So far, I haven’t seen anything from the Obama administration that comes anywhere close to my most modest, conservative expectations for policy change.

Sure, Obama has only been in office for about a year and he still has a lot of Bush’s mess to clean up. But I don’t even see that happening particularly effectively.

Instead, I see a lot of unnecessary “compromise” with Republicans and right-wing nutjobs. (“Compromise” is not an effective word to describe a situation in which every concession comes from the more-powerful side and the less-powerful side is irrational and crazy.) I see a lot of policy decisions not being made and a lot of action not being taken. I see the government playing softball with big business, even when it goes against stated policy goals. I see nearly every harmful Bush-administration policy untouched or strengthened. And I see an increasing disconnect between the priorities of the administration and the opinions of actual voters.

What part of this is the “change” Obama spoke of? What part should give us the “hope” that we were promised?

(via marco)

Yo yo. Hold your horses. He’s a Nobel Peace Prize winner now isn’t he? I’m sure the esteemed committee wouldn’t just bestow such a prize on him if he would turn out to be a war president. Also, sarcasm.

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My Wacom Bamboo Touch pen tablet review

My Wacom Bamboo Touch pen tablet review

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Can someone tell me that shit this is? I sign out of Flickr, and click “Sign in again”. I’m presented with this window. It’s partially signed in. What the fuck good is partially signed in? I have to “sign in as a different user” if I want to use another login, without which I can only sign in to the partially signed in account. I hope someone can give me an answer as to why this crappy form exists (on more than just the yahoo network). I’m looking for a sane reason. Because it curdles my blood every time I come across it. Anyone?

Can someone tell me that shit this is?

I sign out of Flickr, and click “Sign in again”. I’m presented with this window. It’s partially signed in. What the fuck good is partially signed in? I have to “sign in as a different user” if I want to use another login, without which I can only sign in to the partially signed in account.

I hope someone can give me an answer as to why this crappy form exists (on more than just the yahoo network). I’m looking for a sane reason. Because it curdles my blood every time I come across it. Anyone?

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stammy: kevin: apatosaur: This innovative payment device is design to remove the hassle of splitting your bill with friends at restaurants and bars. We’ve all been there at the end of a meal no one has cash and everyone throws their credit card on the table. The poor waiter/waitress then has to split and charge each individual card. Well this payment concept designed by Jung You Chul, Her Miran, Lee Chang Ho, Lee Kiho & Shin Youngmi demonstrates it doesn’t have to be so painful. This has that awesome “why didn’t I think of that” quality. from the yeah-this-is-never-going-to-happen-because-cool-ideas-unfortunately-always-fail-in-reality-dont-you-remember-the-nintendo-virtualboy department Digging Stammy’s comment. Also, thank god we don’t have the credit card culture in India. [via maique]

stammy:

kevin:

apatosaur:

This innovative payment device is design to remove the hassle of splitting your bill with friends at restaurants and bars. We’ve all been there at the end of a meal no one has cash and everyone throws their credit card on the table. The poor waiter/waitress then has to split and charge each individual card. Well this payment concept designed by Jung You Chul, Her Miran, Lee Chang Ho, Lee Kiho & Shin Youngmi demonstrates it doesn’t have to be so painful.

This has that awesome “why didn’t I think of that” quality.

from the yeah-this-is-never-going-to-happen-because-cool-ideas-unfortunately-always-fail-in-reality-dont-you-remember-the-nintendo-virtualboy department

Digging Stammy’s comment. Also, thank god we don’t have the credit card culture in India.

[via maique]

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One day when I see a scene like this one, I sure hope I have my cam with me (and the skills to grab a shot like this).

One day when I see a scene like this one, I sure hope I have my cam with me (and the skills to grab a shot like this).

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World's strongest beer launched

A controversial Scottish brewery has launched what it described as the world’s strongest beer - with a 32% alcohol content.

Managing director James Watt said a limited supply of Tactical Nuclear Penguin would be sold for £30 each.

He said: “This beer is about pushing the boundaries, it is about taking innovation in beer to a whole new level.”

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